my2018status01 Jan 2019
I was deep fried in & out after quitting a good position (with ample room to advance yet little chance to learn/get myself ready/rest) at a good company with a sympathetic team. Guess what? Depression swooped in. The war chest I built 3 years back lasted me a year.
I’ve learnt baking sourdough breads since March, with the hope that the process’s many intricate stages would hop me off the characteristically excruciating SWE train/long hours, but would still leave me with an elevated “aftermath” from mastering the skill. Took me 9 months to nail it.
I’m now at a place where I can comfortably say I can do something similar to @aera_bread and I was this (finger pinch) close to setting up a store. Dalat has a retiree society decent enough to sell healthy breads with rich flavor profiles to and cover monthly rent (sometimes I wish just as much).
But as always, it has the power to barge in at my final determined moments, give me a smirk and whisper at me in me ears (Voldemort style): “Nothing makes sense, Tu.” and then nothing made any fucking sense, at all. Just like that.
Now I won’t bore you more so that you have to say “Exercise more, Tu!” because honestly I don’t fucking need that but hey, 2018 was meaningful with:
- Nietzche’s “Thus spake Zarathustra”
- Ford’s Ranger Wildtrak: a beast that I’ve grown to fall deeply in love with
- Call Me By Your Name
- Anything that has to do with Fyodor Dostoyevsky
- Heinrich Böll / Thomas Bernhard / Joseph Conrad / Günter Grass / László Krasznahorkai: these authors introduced me to a world where my thoughts get amplified into the abyss of “what’s unknown is unknown” by their brutal narrations.
I gave up multiple chances to get back to 🇩🇪/🇯🇵/🇸🇬/🇦🇺 since for the majority of my reminiscence of these places, there are lines to follow, borders to step aside for, rules to comply with, walls to look up to but explore stepping stones, people to mind their 2305 sophisticated sides.
So for any slight chance that I will come back, it will have to be for an absolute conviction that can somehow be wrapped in a year (or 18 months). Of course, such a thing seems remotely practical in my hopelessly narrow mind right now. But I know what I’d die for.
I guess as far as I can still take out a loan to while away, I’m still OK with being able to wake up everyday feeling I can transport myself to a nearby green within 30 minutes, sit there & look at things.
And at times emerge myself into the world’s latest development in computing & SW systems. So basically lead a life humans here often refer to as “an eternal sabbatical”.
Also made like 235 trips to several coastal towns (Ninh Thuan, Khanh Hoa, Phu Yen, Binh Dinh) and resolved that they are not for me. Not in this lifetime anyway. So good riddance!